I · do, · with · love · that · both · drives · and · damns · me.

I know why.

MySpace is constantly full of strangers and it's nice to just do a brain dump and let it float out there in cyberspace. Also-I know one reads this anyway. :D

Class are over for the semester. Thank GOD! This semester kicked my ass but I'm happy that I made all A's for the 4th semester in a row. I don't mean to sound arrogant but I fucked up my freshman year with immature drama and I'm playing catch up to get my GPA past a 3.65 (which wont get you into a good law school anymore).  I have 11 days before I start my summer Micro Economics class before I head off to Europe for the rest of the summer. Next summer I'm spending it in Spain-you should come visit me!

Work is fantastic. My mom and I started our own real estate company a little over a year ago-have I mentioned that? It's growing like crazy and I've met some pretty interesting, inspiring people through networking functions. I love what I do, not many people can say that.

Brandon is heavenly as always. I had a conversation with Caroline a couple weeks back and it made me really open up to Brandon about my expectations of our relationship. I'm not an insecure woman, if Brandon is attracted to another woman, fine. Truth be told, I know I will be attracted to other men, to me, it's not a big deal. I'm very open, I'm very trusting, and I'm very secure. It helps to know that if Brandon ever found someone else that made him happier than I can....then I would be happy for him and like to shake her hand for loving him enough for the both of us. Plus, if he finds someone else that fits him better then I know there is someone else that fits be better-I'm just not worried about being alone. That being said-we are very happily in love and I don't foresee any problems in the future. We've come a long relationship wise and I'm very happy, satisfied where I am.

So I did some snooping a while back and I learned some things:

1) My ex-roomie is doing quite well for herself. In Ohau, she is clearly living the life of the free spirit she is.
2) The woman I used to call my best friend is happily engaged and she’s never been so radiant.
3) I stumbled upon a fight I had with a very close friend of mine and am grateful that we don’t disrespect each other in that way anymore. Also, I have a new found understanding of his attachment to a particular female.
4) I have solidified the saying that some things don’t change. Certain people who had captured my heart at 18 still hold it captive; but that’s ok because I know that they hurt by my absence just as much as I hurt by theirs. And when all is said and done, we’re both happier this way.
5) More so now than ever, I truly appreciate my friends and their maturity and unconditional compassion. Also-a special thanks to Caroline for getting me out of the house with the lure of alcohol, free music, and good times.
6) Probably the most important, the question "What If?" no longer holds its sway over me. The people I have wronged are happy and at peace. On the flip side, the people who have wronged me are also happy and seemingly at peace and I thank them for their actions that have shaped who I am today.
7) I am now, more than I ever thought possible, in love with my boyfriend. Here’s to a happy 2.5 years and counting....

See? Sometimes snooping isn’t so bad.

Also, 1 man that I love and have loved since I was a girl is in Afghanistan now. I send my prayers to him and make it a point to talk to him every day. Another man who I care about deeply is on his way to Afghanistan in the next few months...

What happened to all of us? That apartment, late night phone calls, random trips to wal-mart doesn't sound so far in the past and yet it feels like an eternity ago.

As much as I long for old memories, I have never been more excited about the possibility of making new ones.

Thank you for all that has been.

Yes to all that will be.

Current Location:	Beautiful Apt
Current Mood:	loved
Current Music:	Brandon yelling at the hockey game....go Penguins!!!

Where to begin? So much has happened I don't know where. At the beginning, I suppose

I landed a new job at a Property Management Company as an Office Manager/Property Manager.. yes that means BIG FAT PAYCHECK!! :D It's a JOB.... a real job. A job that if I decide I don't like the lawyer thing (doubt it) I could make a career out of. It's nice, it's one of those jobs where you feel like what you're doing is important and it helps that my boss (the owner) is totally kick ass and we could talk and laugh for hours and hours. And after spending a really long day at the office I get to come home to  a beautiful apartment that I'm so proud of because we've worked so hard for it and I get to spend the evening with a beautiful amazing man that completely satisfies me as a person and most importantly a woman. He never has to worry about where I'm going or who I'm going with because he fulfills completely that I lavish love and respect onto him. I have made amazing friends that I can tell all my secrets to and not worry about getting into drama because they're older and understand what true friendship means. And the majority of the week I spend my off-hours with a beautiful little girl that never ceases to amaze me with her thirst for knowledge.  This past week my little angel was sick with a fever and I just wanted to hold her and take it away so she could get back to playing and laughing and doing things that little girls should be doing. She is good and pure. She's my blessing and reminder that there has to be something bigger than us because she is a miracle. She puts things into perspective. She is why I work the extra hours just so I can get her the things we didn't have money for when I was a kid. She makes me want to be a better person. A better role model. A better provider. A better guardian. I am by no means ready to have kids but now I KNOW that if I were to become pregnant.. I'll embrace it with my whole heart. It's nice to have that security.


Everyone has to grow up and everyone reaches that junction at different times and approaches it with different attitudes. Some choose not to, some choose to grow up way before they have to, and some.. who are lucky..meet that junction with the inspiration to accomplish everything for themselves and their loved ones. 








Life. Is. Good.

Current Location:	At Work
Current Mood:	loved and in love
Current Music:	Hard Man to Love

I've learned to say what I mean and mean what I say because the people that mind don't matter and the people the matter don't mind.

Current Mood:

bouncy

"I started thinking about why I like country music and doing this show so much, and here's what I came up with, y'all.

"I like country music because it's about the things in life that really matter. It ain't about braggin' about how you're gonna mess somebody up, or how somebody ain't respectin' ya. It's about love, family, friends -- with a few beers, a cheap woman and a two-timin' man thrown in for spice. It doesn't take political sides, even with things as ugly as war. Instead, it celebrates the brave men and women who go to fight 'em, the price they pay to do it and the longin' we have for them to return home to the ones that they love.

"It's about kids and how there ain't nothin' like 'em. I get tired of hearin' about how bad kids are today, because there are a lot of great kids out there that just need somebody to love 'em and believe in 'em. Country folks love their kids and they will jack you up if you try to mess with 'em!

"People in country music don't forget the people that allow them to do what they do for a livin'. They sign autographs and they take pictures with the fans because they know without 'em most of us entertainers would be gettin' a lot dirtier in the course of our workday. We are thankful that people want to hear the songs and the jokes that we write. Country music doesn't have to be politically correct. We sing about God because we believe in Him. We are not trying to offend anybody, but the evidence that we have seen of Him in our small little lives trumps your opinion about whether or not He exists.

"We love country music because it touches us where we live. It's about mommas, and when they were hot, and when they are unappreciated, and when they were dyin'. It's about daddies and the difficulties they have sometimes at tellin' the people that they work so hard to protect and provide for how they feel about 'em.

"Country music is about new love and it's about old love. It's about gettin' drunk and gettin' sober. It's about leavin' and it's about comin' home. It's real music sung by real people for real people, the people that make up the backbone of this country. You can call us rednecks if you want. We're not offended, 'cause we know what we're all about. We get up and go to work, we get up and go to church, and we get up and go to war when necessary.

"All we ask for is a few songs to carry us along the way, and that's why I love this show, because it ain't some self-important Hollywood hype with the winners determined by somebody else. On this show, you decide who goes home with a trophy and you get to dance and sing along with the people that bring you the songs of your life."

Current Location:	In bed....
Current Mood:	happy
Current Music:	Anyway

You know what is the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I've heard your rants. I've given my opinion and you choose to keep ranting. I have no obligation to talk to you about my opinion (already have) and you're going to do what you want to do. People need to learn on their own. Which is fine, it's your decision if you want to get wrapped up in someone that's on you. But pay attention... Just as you are able to rant. I am able to not listen. Not only that but I'm able to post my opinion where ever I see fit. Now, if I said you (insert name) are a dumbass and your woman (insert name) is a dumbass just like you. Then, you could be offended. I would expect you to be offended, and I would never say that unprovoked. But I don't censor your entries you don't get to censor mine. 

Current Mood:

sleepy

Some guys HAVE to keep talking about the same shit. "Oh I miss you so much. Oh I want you to be the one. Oh you're my inspiration." Which is all sweet... the first twenty times....What's funny is these girls don't care about you. They don't. Ya'll maybe friends. Maybe really good friends, but if they wanted to be with you they would be with you. Regardless of the "factors" distance, lack of time, job, those are all excuses for people to use when they're just not that interested in you. It's not your fault you could be quite the catch-but if they're not ready to settle down, or at least settle down with you then move on. No one wants to hear your rants anymore. Get over it. You're taking up precious space.

To be honest, it's kinda depressing to see how some guys can be so blind.

Current Location:	St. Ed's.
Current Mood:	honest

You're disgusting and you need help.

Current Location:	Home.
Current Mood:	pissed off

If you're going to talk shit. Then do it. Quite bullshititng, step up and say something. If not, shut the fuck up because all that shit your talking is doing nothing but making you look pathetic.

And frankly I've been the bigger person long enough. Shut the fuck up or I'm going to shut you up.

No fucking joke.

Current Mood:

annoyed

I was at work.. as I typically am these days.  It was dark and rainy and I remember it being really busy, which is rare for tuesday, and I kept thinking to myself don't miss anything. Pay attention. A truck pulls up and I quickly take their transaction because I can feel the line getting longer by the second and as I'm speaking, "Good Morning, I'll have this right out for you sir." He says, "You know you made his life miserable, don't you?". I look up and I see him, an old friend, clear as day, sitting in the passenger seat. My heart stopped I couldnt breathe and while I'm looking at him my hands keep processing his transaction and I keep thinking slow down! Just look! Who knows when you'll see him again! And he's staring and me, almost as if asking, "How could you?" In my head I'm screaming Wait! Savor This! Talk to Him! But out of my lips come the phrase, "Have a nice day." We stare at each other as he drives away.. .

I can't stop thinking it. I dream about random things. I rarely dream about people I know. In fact, the only time I've dreamt about someone in my life was when Brandon and I first met....

And here's this friend... out of the blue.

Miserable.

Time... is all we have.

Current Mood:

gloomy

I have these memories. Memories of seemingly mundane things with friends from eons ago that for some reason will not fade away with time. I think these memories are special, unique, and unable to be duplicated with a different person.

Then come to find out that some memories you hold so closely are nothing but repeating occurences for the other party involved.

What a reality check.

Older generations criticizing younger ones is an instinct deeply imbedded in human nature, but there is something different afoot today. Jean Twenge, a San Diego State psychology professor, argues in her recent book "Generation Me" that twentysomething GenMe folks move through life unbeholden to social rules and with the unshakable belief that they're important.

This phenomenon plays out at local restaurants and, especially, coffee shops with Internet or wireless capability. An Austin java joint I like is a WiFi hot spot, drawing a laptop-ready clientele that either doesn't notice or doesn't care that they are taking up tables for four while couples, groups and families search for a seat. At high noon recently, I counted five individuals tapping on laptops at tables for four while groups of hopefuls looked in vain for a place to light. And that was in only one dining section.

They didn't seem to notice the growing throng. Not one WiFier moved, left or offered to share the table. Each one was locked onto the computer screen, none with more than a cup of coffee or some other beverage at hand.

Is that just inattentiveness, a tuned-out obliviousness to surroundings? An uncaring, in-your-face attitude? Twenge argues that it's GenMe's entrenched sense of entitlement. "


I say take out your earphones, stop being a self-absorbed asshole, and think about other people for a change.

I love it's duality. It's one of the few things that never diminishes in strength over time. 

It's potent. It's universal and yet complex at the very same time.

In an intimate moment with your lover it speaks volumns of passion and love.
In a moment of regret it cries of pain and remourse.
In a moment of rage it solidifies your resolve and intimidates your opponent.
And in a moment, holding a young child, it whispers of compassion and adoration.

Like I said, I'm a fan of silence.

If everyone would just stop talking for the sake of talking and start feeling moments... we would all have a better understanding of life and of ourselves.

Current Mood:

peaceful

Who would have guessed you would have fallen so far?

I went looking for you the other day. I drove by the old gas station we used to walk to when I was younger. I stopped by my old elementry school and sat on the tire swing awhile. It was cold and rainy but I couldn't make myself take shelter inside. It's been years and years since you left and the longer it's been the lonier I become. I'm sorry that I wasn't around the morning you passed. I was just so scared. It's hard to see my strong support system laying in a bed that looked so cold. I know you're taken care and that you feel no pain now. She misses you and I get the feeling she's almost ready to join you. When she does leave I wont be angry. She's worked so very hard for the rest of us and I know we're exhausting. I hope you look down on me from time to time and I pray that you like what you see. I tried very hard to become a woman you could be proud of. I know I don't talk to you alot but you know you're always in my prayers. I love you and miss you and I'll see you just as soon as I'm finished.

3 year old to her new baby brother, "Tell me what God is like. I'm starting to forget."

Current Mood:

tired

Seriously.

If I dont get out of the house tomorrow... 
well... 
let's just say the U.S. postal service has nothing on me.

Current Mood:	crazy
Current Music:	Alejandro Sanz